ruffmafia

Butterfly effect

2012-01-29T22:37:00.004+08:00

I miss rugby. I fucking miss rugby. Why did I choose track over rugby back in sec 1 ? Probably cos I was skinny back then, and all the ruggers were paikia. Maybe, if I had chosen rugby I would have pursued it all the way. Maybe, if instead of joining CSL back in J1, I should have just accepted the offer I got from rugby. Then it would have given my parents more time to accept it. I don't have anything against CSL, awesome bunch of people! But maybe I just pursued the wrong thing. Now I won't have any sporting memories from any of my alma maters..

Life is full of regrets. At different points, we wish we can hit the restart button but we are unable to do so. We wish we had done things differently, used different opportunities, given other opportunities. Maybe Im just trying too hard to do various things so that I don't have any regrets at the end of the day. Then again, not everything is within my control. There is only this much I can do to show how I feel. The rest is just not within my control.

It is called the butterfly effect. One action you take changes everything in your life thereon. You just have to live with it no matter how many regrets there are.

Been spending my weekend in the library. More productive this way I realised. Orientation this week. After saturday, once it ends, I will sleep. Then it is back to my day job.

OGL

2012-01-22T00:59:00.004+08:00

OGL camp from yesterday to today. Somehow, the only reason why I still go is because of the people? I don't know..Faruq quit, darren almost did but I talked him out of it. Maybe I should have left as well. It is just so annoying, it feels like Im a junior councillor again. All the drama. All the people crying when others quit and get kicked out, and Im just standing there staring blankly because honestly Im heartless and I find it lame. All these things that I went through in SC already makes me feel damn sian.

Like seriously, people are just too weak, carried away and caught up. They should learn to have some fun, play around and stuff, grow up and respect and accept decisions that are made. But one thing I am annoyed about is the way the system is. JJC has the worst leadership experience to offer, especially when it is from a narrow minded, foolish man like sufian who knows nothing about leadership. Im not saying I know more, but I know enough not to insult my councillors infront of my OGLs, let alone the students. It is also nothing personal, because he treats me better than others. Yet, I must emphasize that they have no right to judge me. Just because I keep quiet, mind my own business, does not mean Im stupid, or weak or lousy for that matter. Gosh, being slack is much harder than I thought. I keep counting down to end of orientation. I advised some of my councillor friends on the things they can do, but I doubt it.

Perhaps the only two things I look forward to about orientation, or have fun about is, first my partners. They are clara and jonathon. Both damn high so it is really awesome company for me. Coincidentally clara and I were from same OG as well. Then there is kok weiquan and his avac crew. Wah, this guy so slack in jss, come jjc become chairman. I kept walking around with them at night, and we even lied down in the stadium for star-gazing, playing cards. They should be bringing more cards for the orientation I guess. It's a pity though that sabby is no longer my partner, but taking into account recent events, maybe it is for the greater good. Can't wait to end orientation, gotta mug through the cny!

Johnny walker

2012-01-18T23:01:00.004+08:00

Everyone kept sharing this. I want a swedish gf now.LOL

MC for today and tomorrow. Instead of resting, Im using it to catch up on homework and lost time. There is supposed to be an integration test tomorrow, but lucky I have MC, I can use it to skip and study hard. Study, supposed to be my top priority at the moment. For someone who is supposed to retain, but doubled his rank points for promos, this should be his priority. I sound so boastful, but frankly, I am dumb and I know it. Acknowledge it. Must work hard, focus this whole year. Cannot keep thinking about past, playing, slacking, her..especially her.

Alas, the time has come. The time I told myself, I will let go and not restrain that person. He will take good care of her, from what I heard. I mean, that is what I thought of the previous guy until he walked out. Now this new guy has come out of nowhere, but perhaps he is different? I don't know him. But I found out who my real friends are, and they are a lot :) People who kept helping me, sometimes even listening to me being a gayfag full of emotions. Ew. LOL. I feel so paiseh to think about it. I promise not to confide in people again, keep to myself. I mean, there are also plenty of fishes in the ocean. Some even in the OGL. heehee. But that is not my intention! Let's go fishing another time.. For now, let's try to party without any guilt of betrayal. Cos Im finally turning 18, wild, single, young stallion :)

Walking out with a smile :)

break

2012-01-14T22:33:00.003+08:00

Wah, damn tired after just the first week. So much of homework this week, two quizzes coming up this week, OGL huge ass banner painting. Did not expect myself to be working this hard so soon. Hopefully cny will be a good rest time. Ogl everyday this week because orientation is coming up. Soon it is going to be A level. Then ns.. Life is going pretty fast.

But I shall take a break now. Not that I deserve it. But because I can :P

rain

2012-01-12T22:25:00.003+08:00

I keep listening to his songs on replay. Wts -.- Totally the reason why I messed up at training today. First time in my life, zack scolded me. Either focus, or get out. Had to get out for today. Need a clearer mind for saturday's session. Maybe it is time I accepted that the new guy I hear of is probably better than me and that I am just another burden to her.

Supported JJ at soccer yesterday. Awesome match, though they lost. Faruq is a star now :) Cannot imagine anyone else who deserves such glory and happiness more.

Why

2012-01-11T21:41:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life, we just have to take a small step back in order to leap even further.

For the first time after a long time, I saw myself praying

It was really awkward, had my hands clasped and addressed the god as 'god'

I did not pray for myself

But perhaps because the faith is not there, god did not grant me my prayer

I am hating myself more and more each day

I should have supported her as a friend

But instead I added on to the problems

I don't even know how things are now

But I'm hated, I'm an arse hole

All the more serves me right that the kid from JSS today called me dickhead

Somehow I don't hate him that much now

Anew

2012-01-07T01:47:00.010+08:00

I think this granny is really cute. She has got this problem with saying the word pawning/pwning/powning (just different ways of spelling). Kinda reminds me of my own granny, the last and only grandparent of mine I ever knew. She had similar problems with pronunciation too in her old days, but she was one smart woman. She spoke english, malay, tamil, and japanese fluently. That's right, fluently, and apparently a bit of mandarin and other dialects too. It sucks to lose such a valuable asset, full of knowledge and of course love. She left in 2009 but I was lucky enough to have people to help me not feel the absence.

Got to know our OGL pairings today. Heehee. I got sabby as my partner, as kinda expected.We keep doing all the crazy stuff together. I hope atiqah is not jealous, I'm like on such high demand.HAHA..joking. I know you won't be seeing this bob, but I promise to take good care of your girl. lol. Probably burned the entire day doing OGL and CSL after that. Then go JP meet corene for late lunch at pepper lunch. First time eating there, although always walk past. Quite nice eh. Then walk walk around, suddenly meet farida out of nowhere. She try stun me from behind, that birthday girl. Thought of buying her something on the spot, but she keep saying don't want.

Was forced to do resolutions today. I don't really remember my resolutions every time I make them, haha, but this time I will put in the effort to. Here is what I wrote I think. For start there is A levels, I have got my own aim for it, not quite going to reveal it here. Then there is the thing about fitness. I have already gone past my running prime. I mean, I don't think I have the ability to clock 9 minutes for my 2.4km now that I stopped running. So this year napfa, a gold for sure, just the extent of gold Im not sure of. The following few is something I did not pen down, but I know I should do it. First of course, not 6, but 8 before the year ends. I've grown lazy and fat, time to change it and gym more. Then, there is the the thing about winning her back, as a friend of course. I came to a realization that such things, they are not my kinda thing. Lastly, to try more awesome and new stuff and not be restricted by anything. Like this agenda. Haha. Kidding.

Goal

2012-01-03T03:17:00.003+08:00

' If you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on' ~ Winston Churchill

So long since I last put a quote in my blog. I remember this from an essay I had written back in Sec 4. Its kinda late now. Should be sleeping, but I'm half way through my holiday homework. Somehow I feel so determined to finish it. I feel like I have finally found a purpose.

At every point of our lives, we set short term goals. Like when I was in primary school, I wanted to get into this certain secondary school, but I missed by two marks. In secondary 2, I wanted to go to 3-5. In secondary 3, I wanted to study IB at ACS(I) after Olevels. By the time I was in secondary 4, I would be content with just getting into a junior college. Then in J1, I was just content with being able to promote. Sometimes, we achieve success with ease, more often we meet with failures. Yet I never knew what was the purpose of my life, what I saw myself doing.

Unlike my other counterparts, I was never a hardworker. Neither do I see myself as intellectually gifted without having to work hard. I have made this far due to the bits and pieces of effort I put in, no matter how insignificant it may be. Then it hit me; if this is my last year in such a screwed up system, why not give it all. Instead of scraping through and simply being content with mediocre, why not try to push further. I know Im probably, quite frankly speaking, the stupidest person in my family, and my parents have the lowest expectation of me than any of my other two siblings. But that is not going to stop me from getting into that course. I will do well enough to land my ass there. When I do....I shall talk then.

Feeling guilty on skipping OGL gathering tomorrow. But time is precious, given there is going to be training almost everyday till orientation. Perhaps I should have just forgone this opportunity and chosen to be a nobody.

Damn

2011-12-30T23:45:00.006+08:00

Another year has pass by so fast. It was the most painful, boring year I ever experienced. Yes there were the usual ups and happy moments, but there was more to it than those small moments. This year i grew up. I became more matured, started to live life the way I should. Picked up some bad habits here and there, but my moral fibre remains unaffected. I will always be who I am, maybe better but not for the worse. I realised that there are so many out there who need to be reached out to. Some even around us. Then there is the realisation of the meaning behind love. Love for friends, family etc. Yet funny how I still have not figured out one part of that. It's a pity people think you have to lose one to gain another, never quite both.

I have accomplished everything I set my mind to this year, and that was a significant few aims compared to years before, given my lax nature this year round. Topping that list would be miraculously promoting. Yet, Im ashamed to be sounding like an average teenager when I say I would turn clock around to make things better than they are. Things are'nt even good in my perspect. I know that it is unwise to end the year like this. But I just fucking miss

Get up

2011-12-28T18:23:00.004+08:00

LOL. I realised I'm so retarded. Was cleaning my room (how messed up it looks) and came across quite a lot of stuff. Including my old shades. Definitely not going to wear the first shades anymore, look so weird.haha.

Been trying to finish up on holiday homeworks, more of maths because it is probably my weakest now, and all the time. But there is just not enough time. I even forgot all my econs content, there is no way I can get a grade B again -.- Im probably a grade U with my current knowledge. Don't get me started on chemistry. But then again, this is the normal life of a teenager. Its something everyone goes through.

Like my eldest sis who was from raffles. She screwed everytime cos she just didnt have the inspiration to study. But on the year of her A levels, she gave it all and she is now probably the smartest person I know in reality. Then again, she probably screwed cos the papers were damn hard. My second sis was from pioneer, she retained her first year cos she was heavily involved in her cca (it kinda happens to everyone in my family..lol). But once she went on to year two, she did quite well. Recalling what happened to them makes me want to work hard as well. Because they too have failed like me, everyone does. But failure is not the important part of life. Getting up each time you fall is.

Christmas

2011-12-25T01:08:00.003+08:00

It's that time of the year again. Like life is happening so fast, I can distinctively remember what happened last christmas, even the one before. Things have changed of course. I have. But feelings don't. Even after a really long time, when they are true and you know it, feelings won't change. Only opinions and perceptions change. That is why people can stay angry at each other for a long time, or on the other end, happily in love for a long time. Because feelings don't change.

Love the version by frank sinatra. Even more so the maroon 5 rendition :)

Merry christmas whoever comes across this blog :)

True

2011-12-23T17:29:00.004+08:00

When I grow older, I will have a group of drink buddies. We will go crazy together, drink for joy and sorrow :) I can somewhat predict the people. Unfortunately, tonight is going to be for sorrow.

confess

2011-12-21T01:20:00.004+08:00

I'd confess. I would rather spend this christmas alone, not with friends, not with charity, not with family. I've been lacking so much of me-time recently. There is always something on. But as much as I may wish, there is no way I can spend the christmas literally alone. Emotionally, perhaps. This movie is nice :)

hate myself

2011-12-15T23:28:00.005+08:00

Read about mrt line breakdowns many times, but experienced one for the first time today :/

Day started when I met praveen for lunch. We were both bored so decided the meet the lad. Then headed off to cineleisure to meet the other OGLs for gathering. Never been to cineleisure before, but I knew it was near somerset mrt. Walked out of the station and so many building, suddenly don't look like Singapore.lol. But I followed my instincts with inner peace ^^ and kept walking on. Suddenly arrive at something like a shopping centre. Then I go the counter and ask what is this place. She said cineleisure. I felt god like. hahah. Met up with the others for Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. Really awesome movie, cos I like tom cruise movies like knight and day and the previous MI movie :D Went for dinner at Mac. Then I decided to head back home first. But the freaking MRT line got problem. Tried walking around for about 45 minutes to the various surrounding bus stops, but all too crowded -.- In the end, after walking around the whole somerset, decided to meet back with the others. Was so exhausted. But they were playing xbox kinect, this awesome dance game that I happen to be really good at :D HAHAHA :X I owned everyone from the start, but towards the end people like hannan and kobe caught up and won me.Good game though :D

Then decided to leave at about 10. Spent about half an hour discussing how to go home, and out of nowhere i saw marlyna and shi hui :D lol..They joined us as well to go home. They even gave me tips on the fun stuff we do.lol. I hope to remember eh :X Like so many things..Then came home, tomorrow going to be less fun than today..

Everyone is right. She has moved so far off, I bet she does not even think of me anymore. I am no one in her life, that is a fact I should accept. I don't even know what she thinks of anymore, she has shut that only door. Yet I can't help but notice that there was some kind of pain in those eyes that looked away after a glimpse at me.I only wanted to alleviate those pain, if not to eradicate; But instead, I have added on to it.

Eclipse

2011-12-11T00:03:00.007+08:00

This is how the eclipse looks like from my window. No. Im just kidding. Apparently it is some bloody moon or something, and I have grown used to viewing such stuff over the past few years. It all started when i-know-who was around and we always got excited and talked about such things like shooting stars and eclipses. Like back in 2009, you kept talking to me on the phone till 3am in the morning and just would'nt let me sleep cos of the shooting stars -.- In the end, I forced asher to talk to you cos he was better at these stuff..LOL I may have acted like I didnt care, but those were some moments I won't forget, like how we stayed up for such a small thing. Now all that remains are mere memories. People came, but soon everyone had left just like you, no surprise there.

movie

2011-12-06T21:33:00.004+08:00

What an awesome day alone at home..Just watched finish no strings attached. Natalie portman is hot ^^ The movie is a perfect example of why guys always get hurt ( when they are really in love). But well, it has a happy ending like most other films. Its a movie, what to expect. Been watching movies since morning, playing modern warfare at the same time :) Ate like 5 meals, going to be fat in no time if I continue this..not like I care though.heheh..

Really nothing to look forward to these holidays..I miss those times when I was a kid and my parents always took me overseas, even if it was just the one week sept or march holidays. These days they are too tired and claim to be old to travel..They would rather give me the money to travel on my own. Like what I do on my own sia..

Ah..eating my 32 bucks home delivery now, going to start on my next set of movies.If this continues daily, Im going to be broke too.

All about us

2011-12-04T02:31:00.004+08:00

Wah, I did'nt believe I will end up liking this kind of songs..But it's actually kind of nice and touching :/

victoria

2011-12-01T23:49:00.004+08:00

Just watched victoria secrets show 2011 >< Got so many angels, why can't one of them be mine T_T HAHAH..all so pretty, hot, sexy, everything man..hais.

Did CIP at west coast park today. Did not sleep yesterday cos I was afraid I would not be able to wake up on time today. Ate breakfast alone at clementi mall before meeting the others at MINDS. Got paired up with a guy who is as old as my dad, yet his intellect is that of a child. I thought I'd be used to this by now. Somehow they were not interested in the kite flying at all la. They were more interested in playing at the play ground. But I unlocked new achievement today :D Managed to fly a kite to it's full rope length in about a minute. Like a boss only. I see all the other people (not from our group) struggling to fly, then I do it so fast ^^ hahah

Looking forward to gym tomorrow. Starting a training course at Chevrons, membership alone was 550 bucks. Hope it is worth it for 10 sessions, full work out. I dont want to be like a buff machine or anything, just fit enough to get me through NS with ease. Need to eat more as well I guess :P

Apart from all that, holiday is kind of boring, doing the same stuff, going out with people and stuff. I think I should start studying on saturday since Im so bored. I dont think anyone will be using the library too, except for the poly people I guess :l that should mean it would be easier to get seats.

Not meant

2011-11-28T23:50:00.006+08:00

28th November 2010

Sun shining perfectly on the aisle filled with flowering plants and shelters with weed. But as we turned to walk, I knew that the location was not the most beautiful today. It was her. An unusual amount of blood gushed through my veins, into my head. I never felt this kind of excitement around another girl, not unless, no, it was you. Had to be.

The girl who gave me wings to fly free and courage to speak out right.

The girl whose voice and laughter silenced everything else in my life.

The girl who made me doubt the fact that mothers were the most beautiful women we will come across.

The girl with the most magical smile.

The girl with beautiful velvety hair be it tied up or let lose.

My mind could not think of anything back then, except for the fact that this girl is everything I ever wanted; needed. Selfish, but the words streamed out, pushing themselves out one after another. Little did I know that was the day I was going to lose the best thing in my life. The best thing that could ever happen to me. I still remember how she said smiling, that I had to be joking (damn, that beautiful smile of hers). How I wish I had told her I really was joking. Then none of this will be. Then I could turn time back around. But I can't.

I still remember that day. A day that plays on my mind so often. I wish I could see other girls the same way. I'm waiting for that day when I can and it may not be soon, but it will come..hopefully.

Move

2011-11-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

Uh. Just watched breaking dawn first half and im feeling sick of it. Why do girls go for guys who cause harm, and neglect those who love them and protect them? Did not bother completing the movie...

Damn.The year passed by so fast. Yet i don't feel happy at all. Its been really lousy year for me, no matter how hard i look for happiness. But if there is one thing the movie Pursuit of Happyness taught me, it is that happiness can only be pursued but never quite achieved. You have to look for small moments in lives that makes you rejoice.

Regret becoming an OGL. Yea, I have a lot of awesome friends there like faruq, bob, darren and zhipeng...and even in my group there is sabby and atiqah, but nuisances like terrence really can spoil my mood. Big time. I wonder how I handled such people last time. Yet i keep reminding myself, Im not here to lead. This time i have to follow, just listen and play my part. There is only a few more sessions and the actual orientation itself. It be over soon.

I guess darren is right. I have to keep my head up, especially in this case when it is ^^ She is kind of pretty, but i dont quite feel the same..don't really know what she is driving at though. I hope i dont become one of those bad guys, like seriously. I did my best to keep away.LOL.

I guess having guy friends has its advantage. Like seriously, you know a guy for awhile, you become bro, you will know his entire history, just like most of the guys around me now. Except for a few of them who turn out to be a bit weird...but most are generally good. Im not going to talk about the merits of girl friends...shall put it to another day. The thing is, bros are always there to give you advice. These advices need not be sensitive to others, correct or whatever, but it makes you happy. Time to take the advice.

2011-11-08T20:53:00.001+08:00

Can't help but listen to this all day long.

Crap

2011-11-08T00:05:00.006+08:00

' Time will heal most pain' ~

Most.

Damn. I have problem waking up early these days. Was suppose to go West coast park with bene mates at 9am but woke up at 1pm. Felt so guilty, especially after Mr tan's talk. I feel really pissed, confused even ; there is so many things in life that I have wanted, seen myself worthy of getting, fought to prove my worth, yet all those things I have lost irregardless. It sucks.

I used to be so much better a person. This year is really sh*t. Took so many MCs to skip school. Skipped so many lectures. Skipped some tutorials. Slacked in CCA and even became somewhat a burden in my opinion. Been a lousy friend..Kept using stupid excuses to get by. Back then, I had morals that I had lived by. Now I don't even have any. Recently, I went there again without my parents knowledge and came home at 2 in the morning. When dad found out, the look on his face was obvious. He brought me up so well, taught me so many good things and now I turned out to be just like any other dude. Friday, Mr tan talked to me and asked me if I was still interested in CSL . I know he hates me. He was the kind of person who expected me to give a lot back to CSL. Truth is, I have nothing to give and I had enough of giving. I just wanted to sit around with others. Yet, the tone of his voice and the way he talked, I just hated it. The worst feeling is losing the trust someone has in you...or had in you. To me, that just keeps happening. Even in her case it did.

And now, Im even starting to sound like a kid. I used to be the one who was there for people. I used to be positive. Used to. Haha. F*ck it.

2011-11-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

Hungry. Confused. Lost.

These are how I am feeling before I get to bed.

2011-11-02T22:32:00.006+08:00

'A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.' ~ Elbert Hubbard

Is it just me or are these quotes getting lamer?

Somehow I feel that my life is so messed up now. I only have one hour of lecture each day and yet Im so exhausted by evening. I have not touched my xbox for more than a week. What happened to post exams? I still have my PW group video to do, and so far I have been relying on my prior knowledge for OP. I&R is not even started on. I should seriously practice and get a script for my speech, instead of doing those normal talking. Final mock OP is tomorrow and the video is still not done. Then there is still the headache of sudden CSL stuffs that I am unaware of, and rugby team runs ( I still have not officially quit..). How can I forget Maths revision exam is in two weeks time? Seriously, no matter how hard I try for maths I can only get a max of D. Its really not my fault :(
Amidst all these I still bothered to try for OGL. I got to be crazy.

Ok. Im done complaining to my blog. I feel better? :/ Somehow at every point of my life, I feel like going back to a saved checkpoint, like in a game where I get to restart. Like how in lower sec I wanted to go back to pri school. How later on, I wanted to start again from sec 1. How now I wish I can go back to sec 1 or atleast J1. This time I will know the mistakes I have made, and I will be certain to rectify them.

On the brighter side, PW is coming to an end. OGL journey will end as soon as it begins, that too it is only if I get through. Maths revision paper is shorter than before..and half my JC life has almost ended :) And this brought a better quote to mind.. 'when life gives you a million reasons to cry, give life just one reason to smile.' I have four.

Cheers

GAH

2011-10-31T22:39:00.002+08:00

' Money cannot buy you happiness. But I rather cry in a ferrari.'

Pokemon's creator just passed on :( R.I.P Takeshi Shudo. Im happy to have been part of the generation that enjoyed Pokemon (especially the gameboy versions, yellow, red, crystal, ruby, fire red etc). Apparently he suffered some stroke or something in a railway station. What is such a rich ass doing in train stations? :/

Alright, the decision is final. Parents want me out of rugby.
1) Too many injuries
2) 3 times a week for trainings is too much
3) Rank points are not good enough

I guess I shall just listen to them cos im too tired of arguing. Besides, this is the reason why I probably screwed upper sec ; Over commitment to irrelevant things. Atleast I know I have potential as a winger :) But that does not mean im good..im probably the worst person in the team. But im glad they were there to urge me on.

Holy crap. I just realised i have I&R to do. HAHAHA. Zihan reminded me when i asked him to play game -.- How idiotic of me.

2011-10-29T14:38:00.002+08:00

Time to face reality. Everybody's life is screwed up.

Starting to hate myself more, hate who I have become and who I used to be.

Tired

2011-10-27T22:48:00.003+08:00

Alright. Im exhausted. Played as winger in rugby today. Felt great, being able to sprint through the sides. But because it was no contact. If there was contact, I bet I would be the shittest player there..not that I already am not. But I believe in myself :/

Saint friends are getting their results tomorrow. Hopefully they do well. All of them appear to be damn nervous. Im sure they would do well anyway :)

Back to 'starting' on I&R now. My mind feels so active like back in the good o'l days. Feels great :D And the reward to my hardwork, is partying all night tomorrow XD
So eggcited..heheh

Her beautiful smile

2011-10-24T21:07:00.004+08:00

Old days, good old days.

So i opened my hard drive in which i had stored all the important things from my previous laptop. Went through all the files, and amazingly some pertaining to her. Laughed out at the pictures, some of a 'hot guy' she had used as a wallpaper, making me look kind of gay still having it in my computer. Some others were pictures, memories and conversations. Then it hit me; the story was always about you and him. Why did i enter the picture?

Probably the most foolish thing I had done. It made me lose everything. And seeing me write this things makes me feel pathetic. Gawsh, my parents asked for a son and instead they gave birth to a pussy like me. What the hell am i doing..

I tell you, she can rule with her eyes and kill with her smile.

Good riddance

2011-10-23T00:34:00.003+08:00

The day when i came to realize that you are strong enough to make me wrong ~

Finally got a laptop again :) Like after a whole year..thanks to the IT fair today. Accompanied my sis and her friend.We had our eyes on the DSLR there although our intention was to just get ourselves a laptop each. Chose not to buy in the hope that prices will go down at the next fair, SITEX? >< Came back home then headed out again to vivo cos of andy.Yang zhi joined us a bit later while he strolled around with his, how do i put it, well..friend. Apparently she is quite conservative cos she just came from China, so she was shy to interact with me and andy. So yangzhi asked us for some time alone, but andy wanted to stalk -.- lol..but lost them quite fast.Then bought some stuffs, did 5 minutes clothe shopping in between all that (LOL). Amazing how guys can shop so fast while girls take so long to choose just one thing. Mind me, i got myself 4 shirts ^^

S29 buffet after school on monday. Looking forward to it cos all of us skipping CCA together. Heheh. No rugby then. So many gatherings coming up since promos are over :)
Speaking of promos, results not so bad.
GP- A, Econs- B, Phy- C, Chem-B, Maths- E -.-
Was surprised actually, after my relatively straight Us for common test. So overall should be lower still. Blame me for playing around then. Maths was the most annoying of all, when i barely made it through. I just cannot believe that Im not cut out for it, as if it is just not in my blood. It does not help with all those people in my class from foreign lands scoring straight As and close to 100 for maths -.- But i shall be grateful for being promoted, and strive to do better next tests. Got to end PW well too. Just one more year :)

Humans, they never understand what was there and how much it truly means to them until it is gone for good. Yea, Im an alien alright.

Promos over!

2011-10-08T21:58:00.004+08:00

' When i apologise, it does not mean im wrong and you are right. It means our relationship means more than my ego' ~

Its been awhile since i blogged. In kinhun's house now. Lost fifa to dol and amo cos of kinhun the noob :l haha..kk.not entirely his fault, i screwed up as well. Promos just ended :D econ and gp were awesome as usual, hopefully a B atleast. Physic and chem get D happy liao :P But maths, was horrible for me as usual :/ i will be satisfied with a pass. Somehow i feel so guilty at playing so much now that exams are over, it gives me the impression that something's amiss, as if i should be mugging instead. Time to start doing my tutorials again, because A levels ain't over...And hopefully, i get my lazy ass promoted, atleast marginally :( My common test results were'nt that great.

Ok. Im starting to think blogging is kind of gay as well. Because often it is the site where anyone vents their frustration and express their real intentions. I don't need such a portal right. But then again, sometimes it really gets things off my mind and makes me feel better. So if that makes me gay, i can't really run from it right? LOL. Lame. So high. Talking about gays, so many pretty girls who guys talk about turn out to be lesbians. Saddening. And i have a sudden knack for spotting lesbians when i see them as well.Alright its going to be 1045. Time to go home.

Should get my own laptop soon when the IT fair comes. Both laptop and desktop are screwed, been surviving on handphone for awhile now. Damn.

Rugby is the second best thing in my life now..ok make that a temporary first :D

2011-09-07T22:45:00.003+08:00

lol. random nice picture for weird blog hoppers.

Site temporarily closed

2011-09-07T22:09:00.001+08:00

Just one more month.

Perhaps slightly less, and im gonna have fun all the way

This time im gonna party with no regrets ..

Forward

2011-09-02T22:36:00.003+08:00

Blogging again after a long time.

Things happened.

Got hurt by love, found a new love.

Her name is rugby.

Somehow i find it a calling,

In similar words to what Mr tan kept saying last time

Somethings present itself as a calling, an opportunity

I learnt touch rug in primary school

Got selected for rugby in both secondary school and JC, yet refused

I think its time i followed what i should be doing

I have to say, i may not be there yet, but this constant trainings with the team

Makes me realise a lot about myself..

Gonna be mugging hereafter. Promos.

2011-07-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

2011-07-03T23:48:00.001+08:00

Word of the day: Annoying

2011-07-02T20:49:00.007+08:00

' While your life is the true expression of your faith, whom can you fear? ' ~ Julia Ward Howe

Common tests are over. Don't want to talk about it. Not sure if i screwed it, cos i felt that i screwed all the papers, even gp and economics. Gah..don't feel like blogging already -.-

I'll just throw this blog away cos i don't feel like expressing myself these days..

Even dad was surprised yesterday

DAD: Starts an argument..

ME: Just stares and nods

10 minutes later

DAD: What's wrong with you? You usually talk back..are you ok?

Im gonna take it cool, take it slow, take everything in, and swallow

That MAKESE me feel like eating supper.I think i might just do that now. Going market to grab some supper :p Im not so posh you see, market food satiates me.

Clocks

2011-06-24T22:01:00.005+08:00

' Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when you fall apart, that's true strength' ~ Anonymous

This quote is not for me.

Well, i guess this marks the end of this june holiday. Got a few things marked off my bucket list, i shall be prohibited from explicitly mentioning them :P Been working consistently over the holidays, finishing my assignments duly (mind you, i said working consistent, not working hard). Even im surprised :/ But it was more of the late night thing i guess. Hopefully it pays off in common test week, next week.

Been addicted to coldplay and other bands recently. Ok not so recent, but i have been addicted :D Learning them on my guitar from my master shifus around me ( aka. master zy and master fruq) and the online pros. I really want to learn the piano >< Its so cool when austin and the others play songs on the piano during breaks..If i can master the guitar by end of year (highly unlikely..), i will get myself a piano :)

After a long moment of pondering

I realised if i let go, it is not just another

It is letting go of the best thing that ever happened to me

Such things are worth more than im giving

2011-06-20T21:16:00.003+08:00

One day, i may look back and think that i had given my best and hold no regrets

Somehow, im kinda getting used to this treatment

Screw me for not learning how to give up

Exhausted, mentally and physically..time to recoup

2011-06-12T16:38:00.007+08:00

' The giving of love is an education itself' ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Happy 25th wedding anniversary mum and dad!! :D

Celebrated their 25th in chevrons yesterday with family and friends. Awesome night out! :D Somehow i find their story fascinating. Mum met dad when she was only 16 at national day parade @_@ Dad was damn sad when he could not meet her again. But he was damn happy when he saw her in a 'mama' shop some time later, coincidentally -.- took down her number and have been courting her since..

Just realised how slack i have been over the past two week :O Common tests are less two weeks away, and there is still zihan's birthday tomorrow so i can't mug tomorrow -.- But i swear, no more hanging out after that, gotta get my head in the game full throttle.

I wonder why it always ends up like this

How do i earn a trust that is lost?

I keep restarting, picking myself up from the same painful position each time

Yet I know that I can't give up

200th post

2011-06-05T15:46:00.004+08:00

' Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions' ~ robin hood

If we can't see eye to eye, it does not matter, for you were never worthy of standing face to face in front of me, regardless of the battlefield.

You do not hate me. You fear me. You fear me for having been greater than you, as i always had. Behind that fear you hide, thinking it is courageous to describe it as hatred. But running away from your fear is not the courageous thing to do.

Damn this arrogance and hot headed-ness. I am becoming worser as a person, by the day, and i know it. Supposed to send parents off at airport yesterday but they left before i returned. Bad son. Supposed to study a lot over the past one week, but all the work i did can't even amount to 10 hours, one school day. Bad student. Bad person as a whole i guess. But then again, if i am going to be bad, why not be good at it?

2011-05-28T21:52:00.003+08:00

' I may be wrong, and you may be right, and by an effort, we may get nearer to the truth' ~ Sir Karl Raimund Popper

Heard this song again for the first time after a very long time during installation yesterday :D Reminiscence for a moment. Just once.

CSLs stepped up. Was'nt actually the best planned event on my part, but then again that's what you get for half-hearted work. Mea culpa. Nonetheless, everyone enjoyed themselves, objectives achieved. My job done :D

Plan was to jam today, but so many people pangseh -.- Wangda was sick, so its ok, rest well. The rest will pay...heheh. Met zongyi, fruq and dan for pool in SAFRA. Im still undefeated >:D Almost lost the last one, but lucky zongyi hit the 8 into the wrong hole. Parted from the bballer to head to RSAF openhouse with dan and fruq.

Got an invitation to attend the scholarship talk (WOAH!) but only managed to reach paya labar 10 minutes before the talk ended -.- LOL Just walked around. Sight-saw. Queued up for freebies.HAHA! The two were scared to ask the officers for freebies, always cowering behind me ^^ In the end, the brave one gets more freebies.heheh. Also ended up queuing at wrong redemption points, saw some women who are probably the RSAF sluts. Cool life the pilots must be living. Hahah! Headed to vivo. Suppose to meet a gayboy who went to watch movie with his brothers. I bet he would have a lot to say if he went with us. But he already went yesterday with his school. Train-ed back home and tried to open the door while the train was moving :P

GP paper was not bad. Did not prepare hard like the others, even though there was a lot of weighing down on me. It was most painful completing the comprehension. It was on food, and i did not have my lunch -.- So when they mentioned Oriental cuisines and hamburger..yes.Did the paper quite fast though. Had half an hour to complete AQ but was mental blocked, so was lazily and loftily elaborating on what is and what not. But on the brighter side, i owned physics lecture test 3 :D First time owning those foreigners in their own play..but probably cos they did not mug for a test that was not to be counted.Must work harder for common test! rawr(s humbly). LOL

So many emoticons in my post today! lol

Maybe there is'nt that frustration and distraction from my past 4 years

I feel rather normal

And it feels better this way

I can predict an enjoyable week ahead, with so many people..

Run down

2011-05-21T21:55:00.002+08:00

' There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. If i say i can do it, it shows confidence. If i say only i can do it, it shows arrogance' ~

Happy Birthday to sis! :D Heheh..im such an awesome brother. Despite my heavy schedule, i go all the way to swensens with dad to get you your cake :P

Damn, is my prefered choice of word. The week was damn bad. Most depressing was my 2.4 km run. Did all my stations well and when it was time for the run, something that once used to be my niche, i screwed it by 8 seconds! -.- Now im going to get a silver unless they allow me to re-run again this week. But what a waste. Having to re-run because you ran 8 seconds slow, my slowest in 4 years now. Ever since i quit track, i have been deproving by almost half a minute every napfa.

Probably screwed up physics lecture test on friday as well. Have no idea why, but i had a mental block everytime that type of question popped up. Still have not grasped the answering techniques for H1 chemistry, and am kinda lost for econs. Hopefully this week, the last week, goes well for me and anyone else who feels their school life is not going well.

I wish..

:)

2011-05-14T22:23:00.009+08:00

"Your position never gives you the right to command. It only imposes on you the duty of so living

your life that others may receive your orders without being humiliated." ~ Dag Hammarskjöld

I remember the first day. I walked in composed as if i had done this a million times over, not nervous unlike my counterparts outside. I had written the best report i ever had about myself, just so i will get through this with ease. I took my seat. The interviewer (yong quan, an ex student of JSS as well) looked at my application and looked up again. ' Your report is really good..why did'nt you join the student council?'

I saw this coming. Spoke what i felt, a sincere speech. Proud to say i stood my ground.

MANCHESTER UNITED are champ19ns again...for the 19th time :P I think my happiness will only last another half an hour.Back to normal life after that.haha.

I really want to be my old self again, not what i am now infront of most people.

But i find it hard, especially without

6pm today i came to a sudden realization on how far apart

Then i realised I missed

Not just a bit, but like

Andy was right

If you really liked

And you felt

You would

I used to think it was stupid

But for the first time

I did, silently and secretly

2011-05-08T22:07:00.004+08:00

' She had faith in me. She makes me want to be different, better' ~ Landon Carter

I miss you gloria :( You said that i reminded you of your grandson, but i never got the chance to say you reminded me of my grandmum. Happy mother's day..Now i wish i had chosen hospice. But that would mean being emo on every wednesday. And yea, i know im not photogenic.

General elections were held yesterday. Honestly, i have never taken so much of interest in Singapore politics. But over the past two weeks, i have been reading a lot about it on the newspapers. Come to think of it, I thought PAP was a flawless organisation. But based on what i have learnt these two weeks, i can probably write an essay on the unjust system of PAP :/ I just wanted Worker's party to win at Aljunied , which they did, and chiam see thong to win at Bishan. Sad to say he did not :( I never knew who he was till nomination day.But now that i know, i hold great respect for the man.

So many things have happened recently and i come to a sudden realisation. But i dare not post it here, because as much as i know that this blog is kinda dead, there are still people who read it once in a blue moon when they are super bored :/

There are many wrong decisions i have made in life

But i was quick to rectify it

I know this is not one of those decisions

Because there is no need to rectify anything

Atleast, that is as far as I'm concerned

The same can't be said for

Its been about a year since i last saw a walk to remember...

2011-04-30T22:10:00.003+08:00

"There are no guarantees to success, only solutions to failures"

JJ choir pulled out of syf. Im not upset or anything. I just feel that i hate being a coward.There were many times when as an athlete or explorer, people did not expect me to win anything; only i had expected, because it was my right. I did go on to win many competitions with my teams.But would i have won if i had quit, believing what people said? If there is anything I'm upset about, it is the serious lack of positive motivation and the constant flow of teachers and cca leaders telling us that we are not going to make it.Maybe one day i might be better and i will see myself having the right to speak up.Unfortunately, that day was not today; and I'm not leaving just yet.I will leave at the end of the year if possible.

Talked to Mr tan (yes, the CSL teacher is also Mr tan.But he is nicer :D) on Thursday. He does not know yet that I'm in choir. But he asked me why i was not active in CSL, whether i had lost interest and that expectations were high.But one thing he did say leave a serious impact. That was the fact that above anything is academics, something i have neglected almost all my life :/ So far i have done not bad, just failed one H2, that being, as expected, maths. But passing is not an option, as said by Mr Stanley Tan last time in sec 4.

Damn, faruq is right. These times are indeed hard. Especially without.

Pulling together

2011-04-23T13:31:00.006+08:00

' Being happy does not mean that everything is perfect. It means you have chosen to look beyond the imperfections' ~ Anonymous

Had an awesome day with 27th yesterday :) No group of people can ever replace you guys, not even the CSLs with whom im starting to grow a certain bond with (atleast most of the boys..) Seriously looking forward to the next meeting, probably SLC when we will meet up again as a whole batch.

Maybe it's time i gave in to her

It will be the best thing i can give her

Im not sure how i might handle it

But im sure i have the capacity to resist it :)

Because if this continues everyone is going to think she is heartless

I know she is not because i just know her

Whatever she does, she does not mean it

She is just upset, but definitely not confused

And there is no better way to get something like that across to a stubborn, foolish guy like me...

SYF is coming up

Life's going to be less frantic and more peaceful from then

It makes me wonder again

Im not in it to win it

2011-04-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Am I better off now?

Need

2011-04-09T22:15:00.005+08:00

'If you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on' ~ Winston Churchill

Did CIP today with the CSLs.It was a different experience.Was group in-charge of some volunteers.Adeline and Xuengoh were in my group.All of them were girls and it was kind of awkward in the beginning :/ But managed to communicate with them eventually cos in charge must enthu mah! :P (SINGLISH ALERT!) Xuengoh partnered me and got the job done quite fast.There were some funny customers too..haha.Headed back to school for packaging thereafter.

Its quite obvious, after spending 4 years in explorers and SC.I choose to call this phase the "PP".Not going to type out the actual phrase.It is the phase where everyone is unusually enthusiastic for one reason, and that reason is rather obvious.I hope it does not change once the posts are out..As for me, im not concerned.I have experienced the peak.Its not where i choose to be for now.Need to focus on SYF and my worsening academics :/

Are you repeating the process again?

The pain you put me through the last 3 months

But then again, its ok

Keep it coming

Cos i wont wear out

I dont care what people may say

Never did

They don't want me to move through for their own selfish reasons

The need

2011-04-02T22:31:00.004+08:00

'Fall seven times, stand up eight' ~ Japanese proverb

I guess they really live by this.Been doing stuff for the Japs in csl lately.At the same time, i can't help but think that what happened might be karma for what they did 60 plus years ago :/ I guess only waichi, nat and i feel this way.But we have good heart, and times have changed so we should help :D

Yesterday was April fool's day! :D Didnt do alot of pranks in school..but got pranked quite a couple of time -.- I dont want to talk about it..But managed to prank people in the last hours of the day :D Started with Jingwen, cos she was emoing, saying JJ choir pulled out of syf.Hehe.Hope it improved her mood? Pranked zul,mark,looxin,weien and more councillors later on..All of them believed they got a leadership award for $500.Most epic was still weien and zul :D haha..they got really happy and started confiding alot of different things, and it made me quite guilty :x Unfortunately, my last prank on corene failed -.-

Went JP for ____ today with parents. Saw dingfeng at artbox. Dad was like, 'Look at that kid from your school..He is so weird, just staring at the toy as if he is going to steal it'.LOL. Was not surprised to see dingfeng standing there -.-

3 lecture tests coming this week. Chemistry,physics (again!) and econs essay.Need to make up for my previous failure in physics by doing exceptionally well this time (><).Ok. Got to go mug.

l-o-v-e

2011-03-31T21:16:00.002+08:00

'Love is a better teacher than duty.' ~ Albert Einstein

Did not update blog for 2 weeks cos my computer crashed :x

Using my dad's desktop now.Just great.Both my desktop and laptop are down -.- Anyway, everyone should know by now that im in choir as my second cca..BUT i have no regrets.Somethings are a matter of choice and this is something i wanted.I have been an athlete, a leader, an explorer:P but this is something new for someone who was never musically inclined, like me.I have always marveled at the way people read notes..Its like a language on its own and no matter how hard i try, i just can't grasp it.But i won't give up ><

Too tired to keep blogging.I will update tomorrow night or saturday.

This is definitely going to be a walk to remember :)

Move along

2011-03-20T00:06:00.004+08:00

'Love is rare, life is strange.Nothing lasts and people change.' ~ Anonymous

Got this quote from shalini's handphone.Was away at explorers camp the past two days :D

Friday: Did pointless HBL before heading off to meet corene at JSS.Engleng turned up awhile later and so did zihan.Everyone went off for dinner, leaving me and zihan alone.Eventually decided to go eat at TJCC when andy called.The fried rice there is unforgettable.Kevin introduced it to me before sec 2 induction camp and i have been buying from there whenever i go there.Walked around taman jurong and played around.Headed to superbowl to play cheap pool.Hehe.I still have the honour of saying that andy has never won me in pool, no matter how hard he tries.Zihan just stand and watch people ^^ Bused to lakeholmz to meet corene. She forgot to buy the things! -.- Headed to ntuc, then shengsiong again to get those things.Left andy, went back to school.

Saturday: Last men standing were only me, dingfeng and zihan.Everyone else fell asleep so we headed off to the bball court to start fire and cook maggie mee :D So nice to actually lie down under the starry sky, and the moon was also damn bright! Zihan fell asleep (he always falls asleep the moment he lies down..haha). Dingfeng and i talked alone, about alot of things.Saw a shooting star with dingfeng! (never seen one before) Made a wish...Woke the campers up at 6 and headed to sleep in the sc room.Rest of the day was not very interesting.Met up with some xfactors for lunch.Talked alot to one person only, you should know who :)

Its surprising how people can get over things real easily and quickly

Like how one day you can be good friends and then suddenly the other person is excluded from your life

Like how someone can like a girl one day and the next day she becomes something worthless

I dont like what im seeing

There is nothing i can do

Except shut my eyes and ears tightly

Exactly one year ago, we were under these same stars, looking up

But where have you gone now?

Darth vader

2011-03-16T23:36:00.004+08:00

' They may forget what you said, but the will never forget how you made them feel' ~ Carl W Buechner

Cute huh? This video has gone viral for quite some time now.First saw it on my sister's wall but the reason why i put it on my blog is not because of the commercial but because of the boy.Who would have known that since he was an infant, he has been diagnosed with a heart defect and has been seeking medical attention ever since.Yet his frustration is not about his illness, but the fact that he can't use his 'force' on the things around him.Its not just due to his innocence, but we ought to be ashamed of ourselves at times, given how gifted we are and still get to be overly complacent.

No,im not emo.Pardon me for my serious tone -.-"

Past few days have been unusually silent, especially in the absence of my parents.They have been overseas for a week now and will only be back next week.Would have gone with them, but they will be busy and i will have nothing to do.Besides, there was alot going on this week.Hopefully they bring back goodies :D Went to school with chongyee today for X. I feel so guilty making him do X with me ( don't think dirty at that letter.LOL). Even zihan and faruq considered doing it but could not due to 'heavier responsibilities elsewhere'. I feel guiltier at the thought that all my life i had ridiculed X but never really realised how fun it actually was. In fact, im even enjoying myself when i do X ! (stop making wild guesses at X.Haha.Just let it be, the future me will know what it is when i read this again).

Now im looking forward to explorers' camp on friday and batch lunch on saturday :D But first, it is party time tomorrow (X

One long week coming to an end

Yet it feels so empty

CSL CAMP

2011-03-13T22:06:00.004+08:00

' The real leader has no need to lead-he is contend to point the way' ~ Henry Miller

Just ended CSL camp! :D Responsibility rocks!And the guys of CSL rock too..Come to think of it, CSL is more popular than SC cos more people applied and lesser got through ^^ pro right? and the best part is this feels like an extension of JSS SC, the people and the atmosphere (Xfactors still rock more though :P ) .

Saw shalini in my school yesterday! :D She gave me belated present and looxin her actual present..Went to eat out with praveen today. Andy and tas pangseh, never come. Zihan was still at his taekwondo camp which ends tmr.Met faruq,wangda,junwei and ryan at ljs first.Could not join them for soccer in the morning cos of camp.Headed to subway cos ljs had no seats, then back home to crash for solid hours.

What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them.

What are words if they are said only for the good times then they dont

What is a given

2011-03-05T21:28:00.005+08:00

' Silence is also speech' ~ Anonymous

Been very sick the past two days.Started on thursday night.Have been sleeping alot recently because of that and i must say it is working.

Did you know that there is a difference between common flu and influenza (flu virus)? :O

Researched it when i got sick and i know that what i have is an influenza.Apparently, you can never contract the same influenza virus again in your lifetime because your anti bodies have adapted to 'fighting' this species of virus.So come to think of it, there are thousands of flu virus around us explaining why we get sick on multiple counts in one lifetime.Cool..

Now must look into doing finish my tutorials and study for physics and chem test next week T_T

I doubt i have enough time.Cant anticipate the march holidays either, due to all the activities over the one week and common test the week after.

Damn.My life is'nt going very well.

Save me some grace

2011-02-27T21:35:00.004+08:00

' God is subtle; but he is not malicious' ~ Albert Einstein

God. Wish i knew who he was..or is it a she?

Had a long week.Atleast i had something to look forward to, which was yesterday :D

Woke up early to go jam with kinhun and zongyi.Faruq could not make it because of last minute house practice. Did not get to jam cos too few people.Instead ate breakfast, chatted and strummed :) Parted from them at 12 cos kinhun had to work.Lucky my house is beside the studio so walked 10 minutes back home.

Did abit of tutorial and headed out at 3pm to meet ash, khai and adi.Watched I am number 4, and i have to say it was AWESOME!! Looking forward to the sequel.Treated the guys to pizza hut dinner, since it was my birthday (or a week after..its kinda traditional for bday kid to treat). Met dingfeng and his friends by coincidence :D Miss him like loads..i owe him a great deal of favour.hehe.

Parted from the guys to meet andy the gayboy at IMM. Apparently he was having a bad day so yea..and he was hungry -.- Watched him eat some wanton. Walked around looking for X but could not find it :( Instead we reached mos burger and ate supper (eat alot for one day! ). Haha. Met some juniors on the mrt back home.

Can't go out very often from this week onwards. Must keep in mind school has begun..Did nothing much today, except maybe some tutorials? But that wont count as studying.Got into interact club. Applied for it with yongjun, yongli, shawn and some other guys.But only shawn and i got through.On the other side, looxin, waichi and wanqi got through as well. I know this is not going to be as fun as my term in sc or explorers. But atleast it is one of those kind of services that are worth doing..Besides, i have had enough of council, and this would be an opportunity to keep myself busy and not think of anything that might drastically affect my mood.

Must maintain low profile and not get noticed. It would be good to preserve some energy.Next time i lead will be in NS :)

Dang

2011-02-21T18:16:00.003+08:00

I hope you will read this.

I wanted to say im sorry.

All this while i have been extremely selfish, only thinking about myself

This is not something you want

And it is not apt of me to pressure you

It was politically incorrect to start with,

Against the social norm

But it all comes down to be my fault

I mistook those acts of kindness to something more

When it was just in your character to be that great

I just want you to know that i want us to be the way we used to be

Not like yesterday, or today

But like last time when we had so much fun together

I want back that fun

No better way to put it but to say,

Im sorry, too

17th

2011-02-18T21:40:00.003+08:00

'Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.' ~ Hans Christian Andersen

I guess thanks to facebook we all know what day is it today.Haha.Went to school aiming to keep a low profile.The moment i enter the canteen to meet up with the usual JSS Boys everyone start wishing.Then went to assembly, and looxin,waichi,farah and bairavee came and wish me enthusiastically and even publicised my birthday to like everyone around me -.- haha.But seriously thanks guys, and layping too for the present :) 11S29 were totally sweet as well.We only know each other for like a week now and you guys were nice enough to write up a collective note and get me a gift :D really touched!

School ended early for me.But waited till 330 for interact club interview.I think i did not bad? Even if i don't get through, im not going to be deeply affected or anything.Ended around 5 so hanged around with weiquan, jiacheng, shawn and johnathon.Shawn and jon tried out for squash first so i just watched(Jiacheng the JSS basketball star got into the school team without doubt :P). They were not bad though. Was so bored by the time it was 530 that i decided to try for the team. Im not showing off or anything, but i kept whacking so hard amidst the loud cheers of the J2s.Believe it or not, i made it into the first team :O haha.And they said of the 80+ people who trialed only 7 could make it into the team or something.Surprising part was that i played in my uniform -.- But i think i will only go for squash if interact rejects me :P Maybe i wont even go squash..its such a weird game.Shall see first.

Zihan ended taekwondo at 730 (yeap..he joined that super slack cca cos of ____) , tasnim and faruq ended soccer around that time as well.Went to JP together to meet up with andy (sorry to have kept you waiting for so long :x). Faruq parted ways.Rest of us headed to LJS for dinner.Talked and etc. I was supposed to treat tas,zihan supposed to treat me and andy escaped cos dunno why.Alot of funny reasons, lazy to elab :P Thereafter andy and tas took bus, while zihan mrt-ed to chinese garden with me.

Looking forward to a long family day tomorrow, since i couldnt spend time today.Meeting up with Ash,theva, khai and adi on sunday for annual birthday treat (Ash and faruq got into same class! How cool.Two friends from different parts of my life.) Going to be one long weekend.Must finish tutorial by today..

BEFORE I END, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME ON AND OFF FACEBOOK :D

Im seriously hating andy's wall post -.-

The sky is gorgeous tonight :) The full moon and starry night..what a way to end the day.But there is just one thing missing.

Not turning back

2011-02-11T21:59:00.003+08:00

At first i was, frankly speaking, heartbroken

Then as usual went into a deep state of reflection

Read through every word and syllable carefully to make sure

Came to a decision that this is not the end but this is a beginning

Beginning of something Im willing to believe in

Like i said, unlike many others i do not expect, or anticipate anything

I do not need anything in return

This is genuine and i know it

It would be an added surplus though if you could reciprocate my intentions

But im glad with the way we are

I have never had the courage to face anyone like i did that evening in front of you

Never have i done it before

Yet the words seem so simple at that point of time

I will keep fighting even if it leads me nowhere

Im sorry to disappoint you

But i will never give up

For now let's just go back 4 months in time, and be how we used to be :)

Oh, the Quote of the day is : Patience is Virtue

2011-02-07T20:59:00.003+08:00

'Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.' ~ Carl Sagan

The video cannot be embedded.Watch it on youtube :P

What should i update on? the orientation camp or chinese new year? No mood to update but am still doing it.Had opted for PCME, H1 econs but changed my mind after submission cos of my sis.She took H2 econs and said it was way better than H1. I had to listen because we are so much alike when it comes to studying (like how we both hate math). Fortunately appeal was successful.Bad news is alot of people not in the same combi as me.Quite alot of buddies took H1 econs and we could have been classmates :/ On the brighter side, there is still tasnim in the same combi.Now for CCA, chongyee,zihan,tasnim and many want to trial for hockey. Should i join them? Even waichi is considering girls team.If all else fails, library is still there waiting for us :P

I miss the sound of your voice

But i must press forward

Maybe

2011-01-30T21:40:00.007+08:00

'Vision without passion is wistful thinking.Passion without vision is aimless running.But vision with passion is victorious living' ~ Mr Ching, on facebook

Can't wait for orientation to end.I can see the effort put in by the people, but seriously, i had enough of all these cheering,enthusiasm and etc :/ Force me and im only going to kill other's mood.People, as usual, see me as someone who does not smile (like why all the OGL keep asking me to smile -.-). Whatever it is, im going to keep my head low the next two years, not get as involved, although i already got invitations from the student council and soccer CCAs to tryout. I had enough of both actually.Maybe i will join library or the guitar ensemble?

Camp tomorrow.Brings back memories.Like how i was once the IC for orientation, orientation camp and etc. HEHEHE^^ (more successful than JJ :P..ok.i will stop boasting).Mr Ching coincidentally, was the teacher-in-charge for both events.. Eagerly waiting for the camp to end and be home for cny.

Damn.I feel like im leaving something behind.Like a part of me.Or is that you?

I swear i will come back to take the missing part

2 short years~fighting!

2011-01-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

'To love is to risk not being loved in return.To hope is to risk pain.To try is to risk failure, but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.' ~ Bill Cosby (If im not wrong..)

It already is daunting that things don't go the way you want them to.But what makes it worse is the fact your whole world conspires against you, even your friends;no, especially your friends. Yet something in me is willing to take that risk and fight.Something in me is certain that this might be more.Something in me wants to prove all wrong..

2011-01-25T22:41:00.001+08:00

Hoping against hope for hope

2011-01-21T22:49:00.005+08:00

' Age does not protect you from love.But love to some extent protects you from age' ~ Anonymous

Spent my last 4 years without much of a real aim, it is time i actually came up with real aims.

3 things on my mind now.

1) Get that perfect score for A'l.

-If my sis who slacked so much could do it, i can do it as well.It should only be just as easy as i no longer have mother tongue in my way..

2) Get into law school.

-Even my own mum tells me its difficult, as if i can't do it.My sis even says she never saw anyone from JJ in law school.We shall see then..

3) In the end, get to OCS

-Something i was really inspired to do since the age of 14.Become an officer.Will do it in 2013.Working towards it now.

Was contemplating whether or not to mention.You are one of the 4 things on my mind.I wont make you lose faith ever again. Because without you, i might have just given up all hope i had when it all mattered the most.I shall halt for as many years as it takes.

2011-01-18T22:31:00.005+08:00

'One is loved because one is loved.No reason is needed for loving' ~ Paulo Coelho

Been restless and relentless these past few days.Can't keep my mind straight and functional.Thank god im not studying in this state.I wonder how i managed to go through so many mental tortures like during camps and initiations, laughing at the faces of 20 seniors, when now all i can do is...watch myself do nothing at all.Yet the feeling and emotions won't change.Time can only make it rusty and old, but it cannot wear them out.One year gone...many years shall.

I hope you are'nt annoyed. I sense your quesiness and see your uneasiness.I would rather not be loved than to be hated.

2011-01-15T22:06:00.003+08:00

' Wait means never ' ~ Martin Luthor King

Kinda catchy tune and lyrics.

I find it hard to believe that i have graduated from JSS. I remember i could not wait to leave the school back in sec 4, just too much for me to handle, personally.Now that there are no longer any chains attached i might actually miss it.Its going to be like Sec 1 all over again, when i only knew rayner from my primary school and everyone else were alien. I was scared back then, which pushed me to try.Now i have experience, i do not want to care anymore.Wherever i go, i will make the best of that place.I will beat my sister's results (:P) and go to that school (will reveal where im headed once i know my JC posting).

Speaking of which, i just realised how the choices i submitted differ much from the ones i wrote down. I even included quite a few poly courses like architect and business inside.I wonder if i will get one of my last few choices. Afterall, JSS was my fifth choice back then...

2011-01-12T22:56:00.002+08:00

'Gravitation is not responsible for falling in love' ~ Albert Einstein

I just realised im one of the few guys who keep a blog.Its like so gay now that i think of it O_O But i used to have a diary sia..cos mr boay told me in sec 2 it will help me improve my literature and english.haha.I think it did.Cos i scored B3 for literature in sec 2, an achievement for someone who kept getting C and fail.

Still have not chosen the school despite having gone to multiple openhouses today.Met ash,khai and fiz to go CJC, JJC, PJC..all of them score 9 points want go PJC..but im not interested.hm.Really need to start thinking where to go..deadline is day after tomorrow.Went to fly kite for the first time today after openhouse, with andy. Bought the kite and happily walked to the open space.Then realised dont have the string and need to buy that also.We were like wtf!? can.haha.He wanted play pool but laned instead.Went back buy string then go chinese garden and fly kite under the sun set.Tiring but fun :)

Waiting for the 16th.Not bad. I kept to my word.It took me awhile.But i solved the puzzle.Hehehe (X Jiayou!

Maybe i should join the CID when i grow up..i can solve mysteries.LOL

2011-01-10T22:32:00.002+08:00

' Wherever your heart is, that is where you find your treasure' ~ Paulo Coelho

Not sad or happy with my results. Just plain emotionless. Its hard to see where im going from here. Never really had a clear goal in life.Like i said, just keep working and working like any other student.Just realised i made alot of pacts with different people to go same place :O haha..its going to be hard to decide now.

There is S****** who wants to go SAJC with me.Ash and khai plan on Catholic.Faruq is ACJ.All are just one point apart.Good thing is AC admits based on merits but heard the people aren't that great.Catholic is too far.So im considering SA at this point..but i don't even know where SA is -.-

Yet maybe the most painful thing is that we have to part.Maybe that is what has been kept me silent all day.But I wont deny that i saw this coming.Because you are the inspiration for me working, you definitely will have more ripe fruits of success.Im happy for you, beyond words. You proved yourself, giving me another reason to fight on..Yes.I will fight on.

2011-01-09T22:37:00.004+08:00

'Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats.' ~ Amos Bronson Alcott

I hope i do not get delayed any longer O_O

So much of pressure even in my own house.Hibernated 16 hours of the day.Woke up just to watch Indiana Jones and had nothing else to do so came online..Feel so tired still.Going to crash soon.

Going to wake up late tomorrow.Go library read/borrow/return my due books and then head to school with a clearer mind..

All the best!

No Luck

2011-01-08T22:53:00.005+08:00

' I don't believe in luck. Only skill and ability. All the best! ' ~ Anonymous

Yea.Guess who said that.lol.

Although i did have intentions of reviewing my performance for Ols, i lost interest in that. Somehow i hope Ols don't turn out the way PSLE did.I was so overconfident even before the results, expecting myself to end up with excellent results only to experience the past 4 years in 'sheet'.I should count my blessings though, all the good things that happened to me.Yet i can't actually deny that all my life, i have been this close to achieving greatness, and suddenly, its all gone.Im not new to this.So even at this point i cant help but feel rather despondent.Not confident, not one bit.

Somehow everyone tells me things like Im surely going to do well and stuff.I seriously hope they would'nt say 'surely' with such high expectations.Im not that smart and i know it myself.Just had enough to get this far based plainly on my virtues. A small part of me wishes that monday its going to be different. A small part of me wants to pray to a god i never believed in.Yet the dominant part of me already knows that it would all go in vain..

Going to hibernate at home and shut myself from the outside world tomorrow, including the virtual world.LOL.That should do me some good.

Destress

2011-01-07T22:23:00.002+08:00

'I never think of the future. It comes soon enough' ~ Albert Einstein

Distress or destress?

I presume it is the results that are coming out on Monday that is making everyone all panicky.Zzz. Go out also everyone only talk about results.Not that im not afraid. Just not planning on thinking only of that.There is so much to life....well, not exactly.lol.

Ngee ann poly people sure have their own way of brainwashing students to join them..Especially gavin.Talk to me until i want to join them..haha.Apparently there is some scholarship that i can apply for which will give me 300 bucks allowance every month, my own laptop, and many overseas trips and intern.Then again, after much thought, i realise none of it is actually that fascinating.Just some stunt to grab attention.Atleast i ended the day saving the live of a guy who wasted my time..not refering to the ngee ann people.I will seriously consider ngee ann.lol.

Its funny how people can take soccer real serious when all i do is just..you know..play

Shall update on my olevel expected performance tomorrow.Not going to be very pretty..

2011-01-05T22:36:00.002+08:00

“Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” ~ Anonymous

JAMMED with faruq,danial,zongyi and wangda today! (Skipped Orientation.Skipping tomorrow as well.Just not interested...)

I even tried my hands on the drum for the first time.It felt good, but i sucked.Haha.I so badly want to go back again.But this time, we be prepared with a song we can all play. We even planned on an emo song so that we can play it after we know our results on Monday..

Yeap.Monday.The results are going to be out.Somehow i have never exactly been bothered about where im gonna end up.Just concerned about not losing out...like any aimlessly system obsessed student, forcefully studying.But for all i know, everything might come to an end in 5 days time.

I shall give you what you always pleaded me for.I do not want to hurt you anymore.Because it hurts me more to see you being hurt.

What do i do if that infinitely precious thing is not in my soul..

Orientate yourself

2011-01-04T22:12:00.002+08:00

'Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow.The shadow is what we think of it ;the tree is the real thing' ~ Abraham Lincoln

So much so for helping out as seniors.Seriously what is your damn problem? Why is it that you are always fighting with me over such lousy things.All other seniors have always come to school with failed standards and you want to pick on us? We are no longer students of JSS.We are graduands, doing you a damn service..No.Not you.We came to advise juniors, not listen to you rant.Even Mr tham could talk to me like discipline was not a big issue anymore.So is the problem really with me or you?

Maybe it is my fault. I never learn. It is seriously time i stopped caring about all these things that no longer concern me.

So exhausted after 32 hours of no sleep.Despite such setbacks, there are always things that can cheer you up.Learnt how to bowl over the past two day,thanks to all those who have been teaching me :)Farah is amazing.Call it luck or whatever, but she won all the guys.Way to go girl! haha. Jiajun keep wasting my money on the stupid arcade game.Play until hand pain somemore. Most fun was still lan though :P

Gonna hibernate till tomorrow afternoon, most probably.

how far we've come

2010-12-30T23:21:00.004+08:00

'A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.' ~ Albert Einstein

Addicted to matchbox twenty recently.The year is coming to an end. Probably the next time i post, it will be 2011..Not really excited though there are quite a few things lined up tomorrow.Missed out on so many things this year.Faced heavy losses on many occasion.Had my worst downfall academic wise.But there is something called hope right? Hope that next year will be better.Somehow i hope next year i be somewhere better off. If that were to happen, i will forget everything as if it were a bad nightmare..Jurong sec will be the top of the list..Not my friends though.Each one of you are awesome :) I guess it's not exactly a year coming to an end, but four hard years of turmoil. Yet there were great parts, i won't deny, like xfactors, explorers,my friends, brothers...and you.For now, let's just be glad that it's all over, and reflect on how far we have come :D

Have an Awesome New Year!~

Nothing beats me

2010-12-28T22:55:00.004+08:00

' When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on' ~ Winston Churchill

Ah.My favourite quote guy.Always coming up with awesome stuff (I won't forget you Einstein!)

I think you will read this.I think.Most probably.

LOL.Who am i kidding.You will read this (X

Sorry can't come online today.Screw my msn big time.More like my laptop..I will come online once it is restored back to its original awesomeness.Whether i talk to others or not, im always talking to you in msn. Cos you my friend, have always been there for me.Haha.I know you are upset that i turned out to be like all other guys..maybe that's cos i am a guy.Can't help it. But I can also be an awesome friend, like i have always been.One thing is for sure, nothing is ever going to change.The next 11 days are going to be weird, cos at the end, we will be parting ways.That i can vouch for,but hope does not happen at the same time.Yet i hold no regrets, with my words or actions. Because the way people know me, i speak whatever that comes to my mind (and i see that trait greatly being reflected in you as well).I don't care about the future.Let's embrace the present for now, shall we?

I feel rather high.Last day of work, pure entertainment hereafter.Time to splurge all my earnings; and repair my laptop, tv, handphone and hopefully my jaw.

crush crush

2010-12-27T22:36:00.004+08:00

' Don't pray for lesser burdens. Pray for stronger backs' ~ anonymous

I shall pray for a stronger heart; because the pain emanates from there (and maybe my jaws..but i will get to that later).

Finally, tomorrow is going to be the last day of work :D All those overtimes and paperwork..Come to think of it, my job is actually quite slack :/ It was only tiring cos i worked long hours. But the best is yet to come..i fulfilled my wish of sleeping under the stars today (X hehe..but i only did it for like 5 minutes cos it was eery..LOL.There were'nt many stars anyway, cos it was still 730.

Right now, i have gotten over the fact that all my things have stopped working.Even my right jaw is like stuck for two days now..so painful to even eat.My handphone has also been jamming since evening.But nothing hurts more than @eufdsopjre?/wyfgafygns?/sodmew (see if you can solve it).

But atleast there are things to look forward to like soccer, ecp outing and not to mention, the end of work...

:)))))))))))))))):

2010-12-26T23:33:00.003+08:00

'Wisdom is virtue' ~ LKY, (In my dream of course)

I finally understood what he meant :D

Today was really crap.Woke up 9am travelled all the way to ngee ann only to be screwed by a guy i barely know. Got really exhausted by the end of the session, with a low morale.Back to JP with abdullah for lunch, and completed l4d2(probably the only good thing of the day).Thanks bro.

Came back home.Can't use laptop cos firefox has let me down for the first time.Need to reboot laptop tomorrow when im free.Was watching tv in my room just now and the signal got all fuzzy.Now i cant play xbox as well.Finally, work tomorrow.

Yet after a day end reflection, im not upset.Cos i understand the quote.And if i were to explain it, it would be all lame and boring so i shall keep this bit of 'wisdom' as my own virtue.haha.But i do know your day was way better.. good for you :D

faking a smile

2010-12-25T00:35:00.011+08:00

' Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip' ~ Gary Allan

Merry Christmas! Although i may not be a believer, i just like to use this as an excuse to feel happy and spread the joy.I hope i don't oversleep tomorrow.I have been sleeping alot lately, and maybe that is why i have been dreaming alot as well.People still say i got incepted -.- haha.I also have a sudden urge to try prawn fishing.I see all those old men catching so many prawns and i feel so jealous..Yet ever since abdullah shared with me a disgusting fact about fishing (which i did not realise), i have not gone near the harp again.

Quite a number of things i want to try before the year ends:

1) Fly a kite

2) Sleep under the starry sky (last time i did that was in camp)

3) Try prawn fishing

4) Wake up around 5am in the morning and jog till jurong point and back home

5) Buy that thing with my own money,at last :D

6)Do well for Ols

6 days left. 5 things to achieve.Not big dreams though... I know the last part is something that cannot be known by the end of the year.But looking back, i need this very badly, for a very important reason.It has nothing to do with the typical thinking of Olevel takers, like going to a good school and bla bla.Seriously, even during PSLE, i didnt care this much (More like i didnt care at all).Besides, teachers keep saying that markers stay up late on christmas eve to mark our papers.So i hope they are in a good mood today, or perhaps now, christmas itself.

Just between me and those reading this, when i ended my english compo, i wrote ' Have a merry christmas and happy holiday :D'...I hope they don't mark me down for for that :x heheh

This is a nice song i keep listening to, from one of my favourite bands. It appears in the coke ad as well :D

2010-12-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

' Wisdom is virtue' ~ Lee Kuan Yew (In my dream)

I know no one will believe it.But this is totally random.I dreamt of Lee Kuan Yew rallying under my block.Then i went to ask him for an autograph (kinhun and zihan were with me).But he said politicians do not sign autographs or something.Instead he wrote comments or something for us.Haha.Then he gave me a small white piece of paper that was empty on the cover but when i flipped it, it read 'Wisdom is Virtue'.I cannot recall anything else...

Its weird cos

1) I don't know of any quote that goes like 'Wisdom is Virtue'

2)I have not been reading on LKY recently..but the most recent thing i did pertaining to him was writing about him in English Ols

Maybe im just exhausted after OTs.Im so glad that i can slack for christmas from tomorrow onwards :D

reasons

2010-12-21T22:12:00.004+08:00

'The reason one writes isn't the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say' ~ F.Scott Fitzgerald

Slept an estimated 14 hours today and i still feel sleepy -_- Zzz

Im now trying to watch himym and just started on glee season 2.I love the new songs from glee.Especially gwyneth paltrow's forget you (the iron man lead) and teenage dream :D.
The above is nice for various reasons. But i would like it more if it was longer.
There is still so many dramas i want to watch - misfits, dexter, family guy to name a few. Yet there is like so little time..And results are going to be out in another 3 weeks time :(

Apparently the reason im writing today is not because i have something to say..Im just bored out of my brains.Hopefully there is more to write on tomorrow..But i doubt so, as it does not involve you.

Sarang hae :D

2010-12-20T23:24:00.006+08:00

'Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much' ~ Oscar Wilde

Hello stranger was beyond awesome. Probably the best romance movie of the year :D

Let me sum up today real fast. Went dingfeng house for some stuff.Met up with dol and fruq in the mrt.Went to vivo.Watched this.Ate.Played.Went to queensway.Bought my brand new shoes :DD (Photos up some other time). Quite a simple pair, not as glam as my previous t90.Went to JP.Fruq bought his sneakers while i bought new ear pieces.Homed.

Plans to lan at Iluma tomorrow.Im currently on two days no pay leave :x haha..I feel guilty cos i only need to work one more week and im still slacking off like this..

Worst part is my recent addiction to non-mainstream songs and kpop music.Haha.I like koreans who can speak good english.Like taeyang and CN blue.It makes their songs extra nice when they can actually pronounce the words properly.LOL

Im dumb to keep fighting
But I'd be dumber to give up after this long

Fighter

2010-12-20T01:03:00.005+08:00

' We are prepared to go to the gates of hell.But no further.' ~Pope Pius VII

Caught this quote from a book i just borrowed, named 'Philosophically Speaking'.Its been a good guide these few days.. Just made an important business deal with dingfeng.I know you are reading this.Im going to spend 40 bucks trusting you, it better be here before new year.haha..apart from that, thanks and you rock short one :P Going to catch hello stranger in the morning.Would have asked you..but your answer is rather blatant at this point.

Je ne vais pas attendre
Je me battrai
Parce que tu veux dire tellement pour moi

Fking glad the week is over

Welcome

2010-12-19T14:50:00.012+08:00

'Make the mistake of falling .Because only when you do, you will be able to uncover what is by getting rid of what is'nt '

Past one week went by quite fast. X factor gathering was more fun than expected.Thankfully.Kept myself distracted at work almost daily (except thursday when i took a day off). It sucks that there is not much manual work, but the hectic paperworks, regular no-nonsense meetings coupled with some old men droning my jobscope to me have made my work more or less tiring..Tiring enough to return home and ly flat on my bed to wake up to a brand new day of deja vu, that is.

Yet there is another reason to smile today, and atleast 20 +/- people who talked to me on and off facebook should know why. And the reason is because........christmas is nearing!! Haha..what did you expect?

I dared myself to move
Don't look down on me for that
You don't have to give me a chance
Give it to yourself
Nothing is gonna change..

fallen

2010-12-12T21:27:00.005+08:00

'Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish' ~ John Quincy

First day in your absence.

Met andy at jurong point for free coke zero.lol.Caught up with faruq at harris to get abdullah his 'Safe Haven', a book that he will definitely like.Met up with dol and amorif.

Happy birthday in advance bro! :D i bet you will see this and smile for having such an awesome friend like me..wait.no need to thank me.hehe X)

Went to eat swensens and lan-ed thereafter.Trained to Chinese Garden and went on to play soccer with aziz, his friends(and siblings?), mark and kinhun.It was a long day but i manage to sum it up easily.haha.

My permit to enter jurong island has been rejected.Wth.So i will have to go to headquarters tomorrow onwards to do my work.Am i suppose to be looking forward to what would be a x-factors chalet with batch and a paintball and kayaking trip with people coming this week? Cos im not feeling the vibes or anything of that sort..

I guess im not going to have time to blog till the weekends. My cycle is going to be wake up, work, come home late, play xbox abit? and sleep all the way, eagerly anticipating the next day.Should meet dol to borrow halo reach tomorrow.

Im manquant, il vous beaucoup
Mais je vais prendre une grande respiration pendant un certain temps

2010-12-11T12:04:00.003+08:00

' I asked you to believe in love, not santa claus' ~ Tom Hansen, 500 days of summer

I was not kidding when i said im stocking up on my ben and jerrys..and i bought my new guitar with faruq too.hehe.Playing xbox with kinhun now.Going to flag day for spca in awhile.

Hm.Im not sure if you will see this and I dunno how many times i say already.But have a safe journey and enjoy yourself :D

Im vais vous manquez beaucoup

See your face again

2010-12-10T02:16:00.008+08:00

Im so confused now.I feel so tired and sleepy but my brain is pounding and working.But i shall take time to recoup my previous form.I dislike the idea of hidden meanings, and the fact that i can't interpret these properly..

Not sure if you will read this.
Not sure if we can talk again.
Not sure if you want to either.
But be sure to take care,
Forget the world and embrace the wind.
Enjoy your time and smile again.

Im vais vous manquez beaucoup

Gonna be one hell of a week.

clarity

2010-12-09T23:53:00.008+08:00

'Clarity is the counter balance of profound thoughts' ~ Marquis De Vauvenargues

Clarity is good.Somehow, despite all the failed distractions, paperworks and job intervention, Im still thinking about all these things. It was good that we managed to speak. That was what i have been trying to do for the past week. Yet it is not as easy as you think it is going to be. And regarding the third question, i will still halt for your answer.

Next one week is going to be miserable.Perhaps more miserable than the past one week.Bracing myself to wake up at 7 in the morning to travel to jurong island from monday onwards to do practical work. But this is definitely not the most painful thing i have to endure for the next one week...

My answer for the third question..after much thought, is not going to be any different. Sorry, but i can't change my mind easily.You know me well. I always do what i feel is right; And im so sure that this time, im not wrong as well.

Free me again

2010-12-08T02:50:00.014+08:00

Have you ever opened a book to read? Then kept reading and enjoying everything bitter, sweet, nice ,literally everything about it...until the words become too hard to decipher..I always read you so well.I could sense your emotions merely by looking at your face.I could sense your frustration simply by reading your smses.I could sense your agony simply by listening to your voice. But all of a sudden, all these senses, they seized to function. Well, that is how im feeling right now.

You dont have to run from me.
Or avoid me for that matter.
If you do not want me in your life you could have simply said so
I feel like a coward talking to you like this
Im the type who speaks to people face to face.Clearly.
What wrong did i do?
I simply spoke the truth that i hid for a long time
I did'nt want to repeat the same mistake over again
That mistake that landed you where you are now
Why use science to explain something you can't
Damn. I am to blame.
I always thought i knew you well enough
Perhaps i did not even know you
That is why you are leaving me stranded ?

Si seulement vous pouvez me donner une chance de plus
Je peux vous montrer les possibilités infinies que tu m'as appris
Je peux vous donner l'espoir que vous m'avez donné
Peut-être que vous êtes l'un de ceux qui voient la différence ethnique comme un obstacle
Mais je peux vous faire voir plus
Je sais somethings ne peut être contraint
Amusez-vous bien?
Im va vous manquez

I shall halt .I always made fun of cheesy things, but its all true i guess..
Very true..

-Work from now-

koi

2010-12-07T23:59:00.002+08:00

'Opportunity is often difficult to recognize; we usually expect it to beckon us with beepers and billboards.' ~William Arthur Ward

Gave up the job as IT salesman.Yet to get confirmation from the guy but he better reply me or something. Got the job that i had previously applied for.Hehe. But need to go course for safety permit cos i need to get a pass to enter jurong island. So cool. The job is not something where im going to sit around and wait but more like supervising and assisting as projects get carried out..Sounds big right? haha..im just going to be an assistant for an architect; And you don't want to know who my employer is..

Im sorry karna and previous employer for just leaving. But this job is just not for me. Bought KOI first thing in the morning with Weien. She chose the ovaltine flavour for me and was saying stuff like i was going to love it and etc. But seriously, it did not taste all that great.Haha.It is just like any other bubble tea out there.I have no idea why everyone is making such a big fuss about it...Left weien and headed city hall to get my guitar at peninsular.Apparently faruq is interested in my job but there is no vacancy left.So too bad man.Thereafter checked out some _____ and left to jurong point to buy shorts.Cheapest pair was like 30 bucks..Man. What has happened to these price tags? haha..

Peut-être que vous ne m'aimez pas
ou me voir la façon dont je te vois
Mais cela ne peut pas changer le fait
Que je vais passer à côté de toi bébé

Nothing shall change.

sometimes

2010-12-07T00:16:00.007+08:00

'Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who breaks them down' ~ Unknown

Went for job interview today. As i had confidently expected, clinched it immediately. Dad is currently angry with me.Im waiting for him to cool down.Another week perhaps? Mum is totally cool with the idea that im going to work.Somehow the prospect of me working has brought to light the fact that life is not always going to be easy.I have grown.But i should not change. I should possess the same courage i did as i walked into Jurong secondary school four years ago, not knowing a single person or a single thing for that matter.

Went kinhun house since he was insisting on it.It was great..left after an hour with zihan.Plans to go out tomorrow.I seriously doubt it is going to be fun.Sorry guys, if i had not been myself these days..

Perhaps the reason why I keep you so close is because i fear that i might lose you again. If that were to happen, there would be no one more sinful than I am.

Today, i like you my friend, because you could make me shut up.That's truly a feat! haha.

Pain

2010-12-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

“Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar
but never doubt thy love.” ~ Shakespeare

Wth.I literally laughed out when i read this quote. So cheesy sia -_- Seriously hated literature back in secondary 2.But we must relive our bitter memories once in awhile.Not like we ever did shakespeare though..

I was expecting next week to be a misery..But i guess the misery has already begun.Already got a few job offers:
1) meritus mandarin with tasnim and andy
2) ______ with zihan
3)internship at SPCA

What really grabbed my attention was the internship.My sis is currently working as intern for their legal advisor.Maybe i can join her or something.And i was thinking of working for no pay..cos they already not so rich.Besides, i see it as them who are doing me a favour, keeping me distracted for as long as it takes.

I feel so miserable. I just oversaw a 3rd social gathering in the last 2 days just so i can stay home.If i go anywhere like this, im gonna spread my emo-ness to people.hm.I should go peninsular and buy myself a new guitar as well. This time i shall get an acoustic.Yes.That shall be my plan for tomorrow.The guitar shall be my companion for awhile...and stock up on Ben and Jerry's and remain lazily unshaven (with a beard..in time for christmas). Hahaha.

For you i will

2010-12-03T23:16:00.010+08:00

'The best way of forgetting how you think you feel is to concentrate on what you know you know.' ~ Mary Stewart

If what you saw were mere tricks, open your eyes now and see the magic around you, in you
If you learnt how to walk, then spread your wings and fly with me
If you smiled, i will show you how to laugh
If you cried, then i wont wipe your tears; i will stop them falling
If that was love, then you have no idea what life has in store for you
Let's take one step at a time
Taste life the way it is
Bitter or sweet,
We shall walk this path hand in hand

I find the meaning behind my 'today's quote' very deep.It took me awhile to understand cos of the way it is actually phrased.Today was supposed to be a boring day.But i was smiling all evening.hehe.Just felt out of this world.Everyone stared at me like i was some retard, even my mum.

This is going to be extremely hypocritical, but i have to talk about yesterday.>>> Went to buy stuff in shengsiong with xuejing.But after buying, xuejing said she felt giddy.Her lips were really white and her skin was corene(extreme white).Made her rest for awhile and then go home.Carried all the stuff to Mrs Chew's vehicle, reached west coast and unloaded everything myself T_T so heavy.. In the end it rained once everyone reached.But we managed to start fire and get everything cooking.Like i said, all the 2-2 boys turned up :D just a few with valid reasons did not.We still had loads of fun.Left without Zihan.Better not elaborate.Overall, we spent only 100 bucks! Had extra food and drinks.hehe.Genius planning eh ^^

Yet, now i feel like it was not enough.We must have more gatherings and do more stuff.Forget all the hardships and difficult times we endured over the past one year.yeap.I think it is possible :D

Resurrected

2010-12-01T22:38:00.004+08:00

'I believe in work, hard work, and long hours of work. Men do not breakdown from overwork, but from worry and dissipation.' ~ someone special

Haha.It is 1:48am in the morning.Somehow this has become a daily habit.Although i did have the worst day yesterday, today started well.Im so glad that some of my friends can read me so well...sense my unhappiness almost immediately.Im happy to have friends like Zi Han, Kinhun and Praveen.You guys are the best :)

And the someone special who smsed me at 130 in the morning just because you felt guilty about something you think you did one year ago.Relax.You are the best teacher i have had in my life.Somehow your advices(like the one above) have guided me so far, thus far.In life, the capacity of a human's brain only permits him to remember a specific number of people.There is so much i have said to you, more yet to be said.But for now, you must know that you are the top of that list in my brain :D

Cheer up, shalini :)

Busted

2010-12-01T21:37:00.004+08:00

'Confidence and superiority: It's the usual fundamentalist stuff: I've got the truth, and you haven't.' ~ Jeanette Winterson

What started off as a good day ended really bad.Went school for SAC meeting.Headed to slack at khairul's house with ash. Thereafter played soccer with aziz, his brothers and mark.Had loads of fun. But when i came back home and played with whiskey, he was all emo and quiet; then he started puking.I thought it was ok but mum said he puked quite a few times since morning.Rushed to the vet with sis and apparently the guy had eaten something that he should not have.He should be ok if he is left to rest (somehow this is a very wrong word to use here).
Really lost all the fun i felt in the day..

Whatever i did in the past was sincere.Whatever that did happen was true beyond reasonable doubt.I have no chains attached to me now.Yet my senses have failed to feel anything, especially you.Your actions are understandable.I could have reacted, but i do not want to.Because a small part of me feels the guilt, and a small part of you knows that you should not get in my way.Im not one of those childish teenagers.You know how serious i can get. This is me trying to be unnaturally nice.We never got along well from the start, and probably should'nt have.

Finally, I have never pleaded anyone in my life.But the Great Arivindd is bowing to you, though not in person...Please don't use him to have your revenge on me.Call me and scold me, even beat me.But not him...

broken

2010-11-26T22:50:00.003+08:00

'You never know what you have until you lose it, and once you lose it, you can never get it back' ~ Anonymous

I will end here for today..This song speaks exactly what i want to say to you.

nemo

2010-11-26T00:14:00.005+08:00

'He who can't, won't' ~ An Old Friend

Again im back to the same old saying that governs all of us. If you can't interpret what I am implying, then you will never be able to do so. Sometimes i just wish i was someone else.I wish i can stay away from being such a typical human. I have really changed alot from last time...LAST TIME.fk it man.

Talked to zihan and feel damn upset now.I don't feel angry cos certain things, you can't force them.Yet it hurts.I wish i can cry it all out. But ego...damn that ego..

lucky

2010-11-25T00:06:00.006+08:00

'What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?' ~ Vincent Van Gogh

The guy who came up with this quote is the famous artist who drew those sunflowers right? O_o I can vaguely recall from my primary school general knowledge from art lessons. Haha.Met up with person X for breakfast today cos i lost bet.As planned treated X.Then followed X to IMM to buy things cos i had nothing better to do.Saw yueling with her mum...but i think she did not recognise me.Haha.Sorry to those who went Sentosa without me. But i bet you all had fun still.Heard waichi, jiajun, mark and looxin went.Lucky i never go or i would be a light bulb.lol. Besides i had alot of fun hanging out with X :)

Hm.Tomorrow morning suppose to have alot of plans.Swimming with khairul and ash; but skipping cos i feel sick. Soccer with eugene,kinhun, mark and guys from other class; skipping as well cos im sick plus my soccer shoes are spoilt.Guess im gonna play Halo from morning till late noon.Going RP for some choir concert in the evening.

Hope this time it works...

Grad lunch

2010-11-22T14:30:00.004+08:00

'Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.' ~ Martin Luthor King

Graduated on saturday.Uploaded photos in facebook.After lunch went jurong SAFRA to lan..so fun man.Some of us like really owned the newbies.
Pros:Me, Mark, Kevin and Eugene
Newbie(noobs):Zihan Engleng Jiajun Jack Weiquan
Actually jiajun not bad.We kept owning zihan alot.lol.

Yesterday went out to JP with khairul, adi and ashwin.Ate burger king and there was a buy one hershey's get one free offer :O wth.. Thereafter we headed for lan in safra(like 3 days straight now) and great.Met 4-5 guys(eugene had called me earlier but i was booked by khairul first:x).Not bad.If this continues 4-5 boys can become pro gamers.Then we went back home to play more xbox and soccer-ed till about 7.

TODAY.Woke up and went jurong lake park.Cycled around the park with zihan to look for a bbq pit.We cycled like two round la..so tiring.Called jingwen tell no bbq pit.Now im at home with kinhun and mark playing xbox in my room.

Somehow i just dont have the balls. Kinhun is right.I talk alot about leadership and courage but i just dont seem to have any.But the truth is there are two ways to acquire leadership: Imitation and Experience. And i have been a very good actor.

no comments

2010-11-19T21:49:00.003+08:00

'The one advantage of playing with fire...is that no one ever gets singed. It is the people who don't know how to play with it who get burned up' ~ Oscar wilde

Did alot today.Im so sleepy to write it down.Thanks praveen for burning your time.Thank rayner tan, theva and ash for __________ -.- ..not like any of you know about this blog's existence.

Tomorrow is graduation......lunch. Yea.Lunch. While khairul and his buddies from chung cheng high are having PROM night now, im here contemplating about showing my face at the lunch tomorrow.Like really no mood to go also..Wanted to buy a bow tie today but changed my mind cos from what i found out people think i won't look good with a bow tie.Everyone will be clicking photos and trying to have fun tomorrow; the day girls will be extra vain and guys, well, the same too. I wont deny im not vain ok.I stopped playing soccer for like a week so that my hair does not spoil.lol.

Whatever it is, whether i want to go or not, i have paid the cash so must go and have as much fun as possible :D (omg.i sound like some cheapo can -_-)

hopefully...

Back

2010-11-18T16:57:00.009+08:00

'I did'nt fail the test; i just discovered 100 ways of getting it wrong' ~ Benjamin Franklin

Yea..i wish i can say that whenever i fail. O'level has ended. I should not hold any regrets at this point but after going joss sticks to mark my paper i feel so demoralised. My physics and chemistry paper 1s were great but biology was unexpectedly bad. Kin hun was right when he said i should not go check it out.Nonetheless, the results shall be the fruit of my labour. Ripe or not, only time will tell.

Ok.Ignore the noises.I shall be happy :D Im carrying out all the post exam activities.Hanging out,playing soccer and xbox and just completed season 1 of how i met your mother. Really great show.Funny and romantic.I was blogging in another blog for past two days.But those are things i dont want to tell in public.So i deleted that blog and came back here :D

I kind of forgot what happened on monday and tuesday..Just know i went walking around JP with some guys one day,played soccer and the next day i rebonded my hair.Lol.yea.Unexpected eh. But im going to cut it back short before christmas or something.Went to watch Harry potter and ate alot at thai express yesterday..possibly the best meal of the week(picture above).Harry potter was ok.As expected it lacked the action and interesting parts, but well the first half of the book was draggy and boring so the movie is the same.Part 2 is going to be different:P

Today was suppose to go out with praveen,yang zhi,amorif and faruq.Cannot contact most of them.Amorif is in JB:( So cancelled. Then got new plan.Kin Hun and Mark come over and play in my house.But kinhun couldnt make it so i didnt call Mark or it would be gay just the two of us.Lol.Well im certainly looking forward to tomorrow's LAN with ash,theva and praveen.

There is so little things for me to do.Everytime LAN, soccer, movie, game..Its time i enrolled in one of those guitar lessons and conversational malay/mandarin languages..But the problem is where to enrol? -_-

P.S. Im definitely not going to work. My ego does not permit me to.Lol.

Site closed

2010-07-19T11:47:00.002+08:00

- site temporarily closed-